What I Won't Do
by RedKaddict
Summary: The boys get together to tell my readers what I will and will not put into my writing. Special guest appearance by Vincent Delpino and myself. Discussed: swearing, slash, sex, violence, smoking, Mary Sues, among other things.


Spot twirls his cane dramatically and taps it on the ground before leaning comfortably against the alley wall. "A'right, gents," he announces with a flourish. "Rags has ast us ta give her friendly readers a run-down'a what she will an' will not do."

"A what now?" asks a short Italian kid sitting on a crate in the corner.

"Geez, yer an idiot," mumbles another short Italian kid, rolling his eyes.

"Hey hey hey. Watch who yer callin' names. Don't forget, I'm you."

"Vinnie's got a point, Race," Jack offers.

Spot taps his cane again to get their attention. "C'mon, you guys. Now Rags ast nicely. She wants us ta tell her readers what dey may see in her writin', an' what she ain't never gonna resort to."

"Why don't she just put it in her profile?" Blink asks.

"Cuz it's gettin' a bit lengthy as it is, an' 'sides which she'd like ta keep dat 'bout da plots of her stories."

The newsies all nod their agreement, but Vinnie just looks confused. "Who's Rags?"

"Da author, ya bonehead." Race smacks him upside the head. "It's short fer Ragdoll. Ya know, da Four Seasons song?"

"Dat's da technical explanation," Spot offers. "Dere's more to it though, I think. But I don't know as she gots it all worked out yet. Probly why she ain't got her chapter for Laces Kai's _Birds_ written yet."

"Shameless plug!" Blink shouts out, pointing at Spot. Skittery promptly smacks him in the back of the head. "Hey! Whaddaya do dat for? Come ta think of it, how come I'm _always_ gettin' smacked around?"

"Maybe cuz she don't like ya?" Skitts suggests with a smirk.

Race shakes his head. "Nah, it's cuz yer a smarta—"

Jack quickly clamps a hand over Race's mouth. "Dat's da first t'ing she don't do. No cussin'."

With an indignant glare, Race manages to wriggle free from Jack's grasp. "Aw, c'mon. I's got away wit' 'damn' once."

"Once." Spot points his cane at the little Italian and stares him down. "So far, dats all she's comfortable wit' you sayin'. An' she don't like it bein' excessive. Ya know, just one'a dose I-really-can't-think-of-anything-better-and-it-really-really-fits-here kinda t'ings. 'Sides which, she usually lets you run rampant in her stories anyways, so dere's not a lot can be done. No question 'bout it, you's _definitely_ her favorite."

At this, Race gives a satisfied smirk. "Dat brings us to our next point, though," he says. "Slash."

Kid Blink gives a smirk of his own. "I here she been readin' a lotta Sprace lately." It's Race's turn to smack him. "HEY!"

"Just cuz she reads it don't mean she writes it," Spot points out. "'Sides which, in dis fandom, not a lot can be done 'bout dat. It's either slash or OCs, an' a lotta OCs end up as Mary-Sues." He shudders as he says this, and the other boys give a sympathetic nod. "But we'll get into dat later. What's next on da list, Skitts?"

Skittery pulls out a piece of paper and starts reading off. "_Excessive swearing, slash, porn, smut, pointless sex_…'"

"Whoa, whoa," Race interrupts. "She actually had ta _put_ dat in dere?"

"Apparently it's pretty popular," Skitts muses as he peruses the rest of the list. "Oh wait, wait, dere's some stuff here on da _Will Do_ list dat we skipped. _'Situations that could be misconstrued as slash'_ and '_Nondescriptive kissing'_."

"Dat a warnin'?" Mush asks tentatively.

Spot nods. "Yup. First of all, while she don't write slash, she ain't gonna avoid writin' situations dat others might take as slash. She done it before, an' she'll do it again."

"How come?"

"Cuz she ain't gonna sacrifice her story just so some people clearly get da pitcha."

"So what about me givin' Mush a set'a dice fer his birthday?" Blink pipes up. "Ya can't be tellin' me dat weren't intentionally suggestive."

"He most certainly can!" Mush says indignantly, edging away slightly.

"Hey, I's just sayin' it was a little unnecessary to da general plot'a da story, dat's all."

"But ya guys're friends," Spot shrugs. "So it's perfectly plausible. Same reason I's headin' dis up right now 'stead'a Race. She likes ta keep us in character as much as possible. An' I's da leader. So dere."

Vinnie snorts. "Dat why yer usin' such big words like 'plausible'?"

With a slight growl, Spot points his cane at Racetrack. "You best keep a muzzle on him or somethin', cuz otherwise we's gonna have a dead body here."

"Okay!" Mush interrupts. "Movin' on ta 'nondescriptive kissing'…"

Jack glances at Race. "Ya wanna field dis one?"

"Sure," Race shrugs in reply. "Basically, she's a sucker for da sweet lip-lockin', but she don't like it gettin' more descriptive den "The kiss deepened" or somthin' like dat. I mean, she's been known ta read it, but she believes in keepin' her own writin' a little cleaner den her tolerance level." There are various pointed glances, so he amends, "Okay, okay, a _lot_ cleaner. Sheesh. Can we get into da Mary-Sues now?"

"Of course we can." The boys all turn to see me walk into the alleyway and take a seat on a crate, tucking my legs up under me comfortably. "Thanks for doing this for me, guys."

"Oh heya, Rags! No problem," Race greets me with a smile. "So, uh, I suppose ya wanna take da Mary-Sue point?"

I nod. "Yeah. One thing I'll never do is write a serious Mary-Sue. Or, at least, I'll try my very hardest."

"_Heart of Brooklyn_ ain't gonna have one, right?" he asks almost nervously.

"Of course not," I laugh. "In fact, if I can help it, it'll be the exact opposite."

Spot twirls his cane thoughtfully. "So whaddaya mean by 'serious'? You ever written one dat wasn't?"

"As a matter of fact, I have. I wrote a chapter story a long time ago for a Mary-Sue crossover contest. I only came in fourth or fifth out of six entries because my Mary-Sue was too weak anyway. It's posted on my other account right now."

"Whoa, stop da presses!" Vinnie shouts. "Da secrets out!"

I chuckle slightly as I respond to his outburst. "Yes, I have a second account. Padme Evenstar used to be my main account, but it ended up just being my _War of the Dimensions_ account, since I really don't want to get that one crossed with my other stories. So RedKaddict has since become my main account."

"But dat's gettin' off-topic," Blink says quickly. "Says here, _'sexually aggressive characters'_ and _'attempted suicide' _on the Will Do list. Care to explain?"

"Mostly those are from _Despair's Edge_," I reply with a nod. "And these are things I feel are a part of everyday life for a lot of people. So why should they be avoided? Just as long as they are portrayed in the proper negative light, I don't see a problem with writing about them."

"An' naturally dese ain't t'ings you know about from experience."

"Oh, of course not. But it stirs up emotions in people, and that's really the point of writing in the first place: to connect with your audience."

"Which brings us nicely to _'emotional torture'_," Spot says, with a rather sly grin at Racetrack.

"Hey, c'mon now," Race squirms, practically clinging to Vinnie for protection.

"Now, now, Race," Skitts gloats. "We all gotta take our turn on da emotional rollercoaster. Wit' _Making a Living_ it was me. Now it's your turn."

"But why _me_? An' why in two different stories?"

"Because it's fun! An' ya know she likes torturin' her favorites. So it's kinda like a compliment. Ya know how much dat Clark kid caught it in her _Smallville_ fics back in da day, an' den Scott got his turn durin' her _X-Men_ phase." Skitts shrugs as he leans back against the wall, pulling out a cigarette. "Hey, least ya ain't gettin' a death scene."

"An _epic_ death scene!" Blink shouts triumphantly.

I roll my eyes. "First off, Blink, stop giving away my plot. Secondly, Skitts, could you not do that around me please?"

"It ain't like it's a bit secret or nuttin'!" Blink exclaims. "Jason Todd dies a horribly gruesome death by crowbar, an' ya been threatenin' me wit' one since ya started _Carryin' the Banner_. It's pretty obvious where you's goin' wit' dat."

"Next on da list," Spot announces, interrupting. "'_Graphic Violence'._ How graphic we talkin' here?"

"Most certainly _not_ as graphic as it could be," I reply. "But Blink has a good point. Jason Todd died a horrific death, and I plan on keeping true to that to some degree. It won't be like Terry Goodkind's _Sword of Truth_ series, where he's describing how the brain matter flies through the air…"

There's a general chorus of "Ewwww!" as Skittery tosses his cigarette to the ground in disgust. Vinnie gives him a nudge. "Dat's her next point."

"Yeah, actually it is. Race, would you mind?"

Race does a bit more squirming before he replies. "Ah, c'mon Rags. Do I gotta? I mean, why can't you do it?"

"Because I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, technically we's all in your head anyways, but… Okay. Look, listen up you guys. Um… Yeah. So, in da movie I do a good bit'a smokin'. Ya know, cigars and such. An' Rags, here, she writes a lotta characters dat gots smokin' habits. Ya know, like Logan an'… Well, most'a da newsies smoke at some point. An' den dere was Clark's smokin' in _Despair's Edge_. But… Well, in all honesty, she don't like it. Smokin', I mean. Her writin' 'bout it don't mean she supports it or nuttin'. In fact, dat was a big deal 'tween her an' her ex-boyfriend dat broke up wit' her last year. Basically, smokin' kills. If you's not a fictional character, dat is. An' if I'm not mistaken, dat's gonna be a big issue durin' _Carryin' the Banner_ and its sequel, _Ghosts_. So, 'sides dat an' a brief mention in _Making a Living_, da only characters she gots smokin' is ones dat ain't affected by it. Ya know, mutants an' aliens an' such."

"Mostly, her issue's personal," Spot interjects. "She lost a lotta family ta cancer over da past few years. What was it, both grandmas an' her dad? Yeah. Anyways, she ain't da type ta get up in your face over it, but she kinda gots personal qualms 'bout it outside'a fiction. So… Yeah, pretty much dis be her disclaimer dat she don't support smokin', but she still writes 'bout it anyways. Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah, I t'ink dey got it," Skittery sulks, squishing his cigarette under his toe. "So what about, like, alcohol an' drugs an' stuff like dat?"

"Drugs, no,"Jack answers. "Just no. Alcohol… From what I understand, she ain't comfortable wit' da stuff. Like, at all."

"Go figure," Vinnie mutters. "She remember she's turnin' twenty-one dis summer?"

Race promptly smacks him and continues where Jack left off. "It ain't somthin' she won't do, necessarily. Just not somethin' she's comfortable wit' at da moment, an' not somethin' she's had ta deal wit' yet in her writin'. When da time does come, though, I doubt da drinkin' will be excessive. An' if it is, it won't be wit'out consequences."

"Well, dat covers da 'Won't' list," Blink says, glances up from the list in his hands. "Last two items on da 'Will' list: _alternate universe_ an' _alternate pairings_."

I grin, glancing over at Race and Vinnie. "Well, as Race has already discovered, I absolutely _love_ writing Alternate Universe. And as Vinnie has recently discovered, I also enjoy writing alternate pairings."

Vinnie looks confused. "I did?"

"Yeah, bonehead," Race sneers, smacking him again. "_Carpe Diem_ number sixteen. Remember? It ain't up yet, but it's comin'."

Vinnie's eyes go wide. "Oh no. You didn't!"

"And dat's all da time we gots today, folks," Spot interrupts. "We're nearin' two t'ousand words an' givin' away far too many plotlines. Anyhow, hope we was all helpful ta you readers, an' if ya gots any questions, direct dem to da review section please. We takes individual questions as well as general ones 'bout da author herself, an' make no mistake we'll be fieldin' dose questions personally."

"In fact," Blink says, "if we gets enough, we may even write a second chapter just ta answer dem all. Though I kinda doubt dat'll happen. But anyways, ya never know. Bye guys!"


End file.
